5 STAGES OF LOVE by Ruth D.
Kerce
What are the stages of love? Love develops between two partners
in several different levels.
For love to endure, each level is important.
Let's break it down into five stages: (1) attraction,
(2) romance, (3) passion, (4) intimacy, & (5) commitment.
Stage 1. ATTRACTION - a positive response
to a person beyond
friendship. This can further be broken down into two areas:
(a) physical attraction & (b) emotional attraction.
a. Physical Attraction - happens when your body reacts to
another
person. Heart rate increases; temperature rises, palms get
sweaty; stomach flutters; throat tightens; etc. This is the
most
superficial of "loves" on one level, but one of
the most powerful
on another. It represents the first contact.
b. Emotional Attraction - develops next if the circumstances
are
right. After being drawn to a person physically, you then
begin
to converse. If you find you have things in common -- hobbies,
ideologies, career, education, or some other common ground
--
then an emotional attraction starts to form.
An emotional attraction can also occur even when a physical
attraction does not. And in this case, the bond may even be
stronger between the two who connect, since no preconceived
notions based on physical appearance has occurred.
Stage 2. ROMANCE - essentially an act of
trying to influence or
gain favor of another by lavishing attention or gifts upon
them.
There are two type of romance: (a) selfish romance & (b)
selfless
romance.
(a) Selfish Romance - occurs when you do romantic acts solely
for
the purpose of gaining something for yourself -- like to get
gifts, to impress someone else, or even simply for sexual
favors
whether your partner is interested or not.
(b) Selfless Romance - occurs when you do romantic acts for
the
enjoyment and pleasure of your partner. You receive your
enjoyment and pleasure through their happiness.
Selfish romance (& love) will quickly die out. Selfless
romance
(& love) will endure. Because romance is an "act,"
many couples
who have been together a long time take it for granted. With
a
conscious effort, it can be rekindled.
Stage 3. PASSION - a desire for another
person, which has grown
to an intensity that can't be ignored. This is often where
an
emotional relationship turns into a physical relationship.
The
passion stage is very important. It's a plateau.
From here, the relationship will fork into two roads, and
the
couple must decide which path to take. The relationship will
either burn itself out or will move onto the next stage.
Stage 4. INTIMACY - a close association
with another person of
the deepest nature. You share you thoughts, your feelings,
your
dreams. In true intimacy, there is nothing that you cannot
tell
this person (though we often hesitate because of our own
unfounded fears).
Intimacy is not total in one swoop. It is a developing process,
which never ends. If you can't establish intimacy with your
partner, your relationship may work for a while, but is unlikely
to endure throughout the years.
Stage 5. COMMITMENT - a pledge to remain
true to your mate
throughout good and bad times. Commitment is easy when times
are
good. Commitment can be extremely difficult when times are
bad.
Learn to ride out the bad times.
If you've made it this far, why give up? Listen to each other,
be
willing to compromise, and remember why you got together in
the
first place.
Love is worth the effort ...
~~~~~~~~~~
Copyright © 2000, Ruth D. Kerce
Writer of historical and contemporary romances,
and webmaster of Addicted-to-Romance.com
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